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"Looking at problems from different angles actually lessens the mental burden. From the Buddhist viewpoint, every event has many aspects and naturally one event can be viewed from many, many different angles. It is very rare or almost impossible that an event can be negative from all points of view." - from The Dalai Lama's Little Book of Wisdom
Dearest Jam'ling,
Looking at my last entry in this journal, I had to laugh. I was writing about how wonderful my holidays were. And starting with this new year, things took quite a turn for me healthwise. To make a long story shorter, I visited my PCP in early January who diagnosed me with anemia. Hemoglobin level 8.1. He referred me to a blood specialist/hematologist. By the time I was able to see her in late January, I was dragging myself around with extremely low energy. I knew something was very, very wrong with me by then. I saw her January 31st at about 1:30 p.m. and after getting lab work done, she and her nurse practitioner both came into the room and told me that I needed to go to the ER RIGHT NOW. My hemoglobin level had dropped to 6.1. I fought against this and asked if there was another way. I set up a type and cross and blood transfusion for later on in the week, but I was quite distraught and drove home sobbing. Once home, she called me and told me she had spoken to my GI doctor and they both strongly felt that I needed to go to the ER. Immediately. My anxiety was through the roof. I'd not been to the ER in decades, and in the Age of COVID? I was terrified. Again I said I just couldn't do it. Five minutes later, my GI doctor called me. He said, "Anne-Marie... You're DYING. You need to go to the ER NOW. You will not make it until Friday."
Well, that woke me up, so I packed a bag and off I went. By the time I was checked in and got lab work done, my hemoglobin level had dropped to 5.1. Dr. Shah was 100 percent correct. I was dying. He saved my life by getting me into the ER that day. After several blood transfusions and several GI tests, I was released and told to get iron IV infusions at the hematology office transfusion center. Unfortunately, after two weeks, I was deathly ill again and the nurse practitioner called me on Friday, February 16th and told me my hemoglobin level had dropped to 5.1. I needed to return to the ER.
Having experienced the ER and a 5-day hospital stay, I told her I would go in the morning, but I needed three things right now. I needed a night's sleep, a shower, and a good meal. There is no sleeping, showering, or eating in the hospital. (Since I was getting so many GI tests, I was on a clear diet most of the time while admitted.) I managed to get some sleep, although the IncrediHubby was so terrified he called out of work and sat up with me all night watching me in case I started to die in my sleep. (This was a real possibility, I found out later.) The next morning, trying to shower was like trying to climb Mt. Everest. I managed it, but it nearly killed me and Richard had to help me with everything. Getting breakfast was an ordeal too. I was so low on energy I could barely eat, but I managed to get some nutrition in.
When I arrived to the ER on Saturday morning, February 17th, I was second in line to check in. I had to lean on the "Wait Here" sign because I could barely stand. The check-in nurse saw this and, rather than send me to the waiting area, put me in a triage op right away. Blood work was taken, and the triage nurse exclaimed, "Four point six!!! And you WALKED in here?" Apparently, most folks with a 4.6 hemoglobin are not only immobile, unconscious, and come in on an ambulance, but are also in extreme danger of going into hypovolemic shock. A blood transfusion was ordered, STAT, and I was put into a bay with Nurse Adam, who, like Dr. Shah, saved my life by actually managing to get an IV in me. It took three blood transfusions before I even made it up to 6.9.
So again, I'm going to make a very long story much shorter by simply stating this: Three ER visits (one of which I was very close to death from hypovolemic shock), three hospital stays, two of which were longer than two weeks, ELEVEN blood transfusions to keep me alive all of this time, and seven GI tests to try and discover where in the world I was bleeding from. We knew it was a GI bleed because my stools were black and tarry. And having had several colonoscopies, it wasn't coming from my large intestine/colon. It wasn't in my stomach either, as evidenced by the several endoscopies I had. The third time with a pill camera was the charm - I was bleeding from my jejunum of my small intestine, about as deep inside me as you can get. And once again, my life was saved - by Dr. McLean, who used a balloon enteroscopy to patch me up.
It took months for my hemoglobin level to return to normal. In early July, just last month, I registered an 11 - finally the low end of normal. My iron, however, was still low, so I had two more iron IV infusions at the end of July to try and boost those levels. I'm also taking oral iron daily. (Yeah, I feel like crap most of the time stomach-wise, but it's tolerable and hopefully, it's helping my iron levels increase.)
I read the above passage from the Dalai Lama tonight as part of my Daily Readings, and it registered to me that, while this year has totally sucked for me because of everything being thrown off kilter due to my almost dying six months ago, I do have the option of being grateful that 1) I am not dead. 2) I am healed/healing and this might not ever recur. 3) So many people during so many stages of this literally saved my life. 4) Many, many friends came out to visit me in the hospital, sent cards, flowers, well wishes, and followed my journal on Facebook and Instagram through the whole ordeal, praying with me and supporting me the entire way, even to this day. 5) While I lost all of my PTO time for the year, and almost couldn't pay my rent for the month of March, we luckily had savings we could fall back on, and since I've worked for the same dental practice for 34 years, I am like family to them and I was able to ease back into my job with concessions for having to go get iron IV infusions and follow-up doctor visits.
And finally, yes, I have a massive hospital bill that I'm paying off (I'm on a year payment plan, so when you look at it, I'm just months away from having it paid in full) but since Piedmont is working with me, we're not broke by it and still have financial stability and are thriving.
One of the main lessons I learned from this health scare is to listen to my body. I have probably been bleeding for a while, because I remember feeling tired on my girls' cruise last year in March, and I was really feeling the exhaustion over the holidays, but I chalked it up to menopause. Well, nope. If I had not seen my PCP/followed up with hematologist/gone to the ER/etc., I could have very easily simply passed away in my sleep and no one would have known why.
In light of there being so many things that could have gone wrong, the fact that I am still here is a huge gone RIGHT. And I am ever so grateful.
So now, I am doing the things I should have been doing all along to keep myself healthy. I am eating a healthy diet. I am taking my medications faithfully, as prescribed. I am working out several days a week now. I am drinking a lot of water. And I am slowly, slowly trying to get my apartment cleaned and organized because since I've been ill, we really just let everything go.
The big difference here is, I see a light at the end of the tunnel. There were times earlier this year that I didn't. But now I do. And this is wonderful. Life is Good.
Thank you, Jam'ling, for always being there for me as my Spirit Guide, and always listening. Much, much, much love. Namo Amida Buddha.
Dearest Jam'ling,
Looking at my last entry in this journal, I had to laugh. I was writing about how wonderful my holidays were. And starting with this new year, things took quite a turn for me healthwise. To make a long story shorter, I visited my PCP in early January who diagnosed me with anemia. Hemoglobin level 8.1. He referred me to a blood specialist/hematologist. By the time I was able to see her in late January, I was dragging myself around with extremely low energy. I knew something was very, very wrong with me by then. I saw her January 31st at about 1:30 p.m. and after getting lab work done, she and her nurse practitioner both came into the room and told me that I needed to go to the ER RIGHT NOW. My hemoglobin level had dropped to 6.1. I fought against this and asked if there was another way. I set up a type and cross and blood transfusion for later on in the week, but I was quite distraught and drove home sobbing. Once home, she called me and told me she had spoken to my GI doctor and they both strongly felt that I needed to go to the ER. Immediately. My anxiety was through the roof. I'd not been to the ER in decades, and in the Age of COVID? I was terrified. Again I said I just couldn't do it. Five minutes later, my GI doctor called me. He said, "Anne-Marie... You're DYING. You need to go to the ER NOW. You will not make it until Friday."
Well, that woke me up, so I packed a bag and off I went. By the time I was checked in and got lab work done, my hemoglobin level had dropped to 5.1. Dr. Shah was 100 percent correct. I was dying. He saved my life by getting me into the ER that day. After several blood transfusions and several GI tests, I was released and told to get iron IV infusions at the hematology office transfusion center. Unfortunately, after two weeks, I was deathly ill again and the nurse practitioner called me on Friday, February 16th and told me my hemoglobin level had dropped to 5.1. I needed to return to the ER.
Having experienced the ER and a 5-day hospital stay, I told her I would go in the morning, but I needed three things right now. I needed a night's sleep, a shower, and a good meal. There is no sleeping, showering, or eating in the hospital. (Since I was getting so many GI tests, I was on a clear diet most of the time while admitted.) I managed to get some sleep, although the IncrediHubby was so terrified he called out of work and sat up with me all night watching me in case I started to die in my sleep. (This was a real possibility, I found out later.) The next morning, trying to shower was like trying to climb Mt. Everest. I managed it, but it nearly killed me and Richard had to help me with everything. Getting breakfast was an ordeal too. I was so low on energy I could barely eat, but I managed to get some nutrition in.
When I arrived to the ER on Saturday morning, February 17th, I was second in line to check in. I had to lean on the "Wait Here" sign because I could barely stand. The check-in nurse saw this and, rather than send me to the waiting area, put me in a triage op right away. Blood work was taken, and the triage nurse exclaimed, "Four point six!!! And you WALKED in here?" Apparently, most folks with a 4.6 hemoglobin are not only immobile, unconscious, and come in on an ambulance, but are also in extreme danger of going into hypovolemic shock. A blood transfusion was ordered, STAT, and I was put into a bay with Nurse Adam, who, like Dr. Shah, saved my life by actually managing to get an IV in me. It took three blood transfusions before I even made it up to 6.9.
So again, I'm going to make a very long story much shorter by simply stating this: Three ER visits (one of which I was very close to death from hypovolemic shock), three hospital stays, two of which were longer than two weeks, ELEVEN blood transfusions to keep me alive all of this time, and seven GI tests to try and discover where in the world I was bleeding from. We knew it was a GI bleed because my stools were black and tarry. And having had several colonoscopies, it wasn't coming from my large intestine/colon. It wasn't in my stomach either, as evidenced by the several endoscopies I had. The third time with a pill camera was the charm - I was bleeding from my jejunum of my small intestine, about as deep inside me as you can get. And once again, my life was saved - by Dr. McLean, who used a balloon enteroscopy to patch me up.
It took months for my hemoglobin level to return to normal. In early July, just last month, I registered an 11 - finally the low end of normal. My iron, however, was still low, so I had two more iron IV infusions at the end of July to try and boost those levels. I'm also taking oral iron daily. (Yeah, I feel like crap most of the time stomach-wise, but it's tolerable and hopefully, it's helping my iron levels increase.)
I read the above passage from the Dalai Lama tonight as part of my Daily Readings, and it registered to me that, while this year has totally sucked for me because of everything being thrown off kilter due to my almost dying six months ago, I do have the option of being grateful that 1) I am not dead. 2) I am healed/healing and this might not ever recur. 3) So many people during so many stages of this literally saved my life. 4) Many, many friends came out to visit me in the hospital, sent cards, flowers, well wishes, and followed my journal on Facebook and Instagram through the whole ordeal, praying with me and supporting me the entire way, even to this day. 5) While I lost all of my PTO time for the year, and almost couldn't pay my rent for the month of March, we luckily had savings we could fall back on, and since I've worked for the same dental practice for 34 years, I am like family to them and I was able to ease back into my job with concessions for having to go get iron IV infusions and follow-up doctor visits.
And finally, yes, I have a massive hospital bill that I'm paying off (I'm on a year payment plan, so when you look at it, I'm just months away from having it paid in full) but since Piedmont is working with me, we're not broke by it and still have financial stability and are thriving.
One of the main lessons I learned from this health scare is to listen to my body. I have probably been bleeding for a while, because I remember feeling tired on my girls' cruise last year in March, and I was really feeling the exhaustion over the holidays, but I chalked it up to menopause. Well, nope. If I had not seen my PCP/followed up with hematologist/gone to the ER/etc., I could have very easily simply passed away in my sleep and no one would have known why.
In light of there being so many things that could have gone wrong, the fact that I am still here is a huge gone RIGHT. And I am ever so grateful.
So now, I am doing the things I should have been doing all along to keep myself healthy. I am eating a healthy diet. I am taking my medications faithfully, as prescribed. I am working out several days a week now. I am drinking a lot of water. And I am slowly, slowly trying to get my apartment cleaned and organized because since I've been ill, we really just let everything go.
The big difference here is, I see a light at the end of the tunnel. There were times earlier this year that I didn't. But now I do. And this is wonderful. Life is Good.
Thank you, Jam'ling, for always being there for me as my Spirit Guide, and always listening. Much, much, much love. Namo Amida Buddha.
